In November 2024, a New York Times headline declared, “Turkey, Stuffing and a Side of Politics.” Soon after, the Associated Press and CNN followed suit with tips on how to avoid destructive political conversations during the holidays. Even Bill Maher jumped in, urging his audience to “not let politics f*** up the holidays.”

While these reminders from corporate media are well-meaning, they miss a key irony: much of the political divisiveness they caution against has been amplified, if not normalized, by these same media institutions. Still, we agree with the sentiment. A thriving democracy depends on collective bonds and spaces where conflict can be managed constructively — not avoided entirely. Unfortunately, over the past half-century, American society has drifted far from principles of collectivism and mutual respect.

This holiday season, displaying love and seeking connection amidst this cultural divide isn’t just heartwarming — it’s revolutionary. Let the revolution begin!

A Revolutionary Act of Connection

Our work has long documented the hyper-polarization of American politics and the erosion of social capital caused by hyper-individualism and techno-isolationism. In our book Let’s Agree to Disagree, we argued that respect, decency, integrity, and collectivism are essential to turning the tide of divisiveness in this country. Constructive dialogue, while challenging, is not impossible—in fact, it can be quite effective.

Just ask African American activist and jazz musician Daryl Davis, who has persuaded hundreds members of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) to leave the organization collecting their hoods in the process, or the pro-abortion and trans activists who have shifted voters opinions on those issues through constructive dialogue, often by frankly appealing to people’s humanity. These successes, and many others we showcase in our book, show that dialogue, when approached thoughtfully and constructively, can work. But it can’t work if we don’t try, which can be a real hurdle given the political climate.

To help you navigate potentially contentious conversations this holiday season, we’ve compiled a list of tried-and-true tips.

Tips for Constructive Dialogue

1. Avoid Destructive Behaviors
Stay away from name-calling, insults, dismissing others’ feelings, sarcasm (a problem both authors here struggle with), censorship, or blaming the messenger. These behaviors often only backfire, making situations even more tense.

2. Set Achievable Goals
Don’t aim to convert everyone to your point of view. Instead, focus on attainable goals: understanding someone’s position, sharing your own, or setting clear boundaries (e.g., “Let’s avoid politics this year”).

3. Find Common Ground
Despite the polarizing narratives, regardless of race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, or age, humans share many universal desires, fears, and experiences. Identify and bond over these shared elements to strengthen your relationships. As we say in our work, attempt, when possible, to build bridges not walls.

4. Listen to Learn
Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Engage in what is referred to as active or empathetic listening, and before responding, restate what you heard to confirm mutual understanding.

5. Stick with Questions
Instead of passing judgment, ask thoughtful questions: “That’s interesting—where did you learn about that? I would like to know more and see the support for your views” Even if they can’t answer, you’ve planted the idea that evidence matters.

6. You Can’t Control Others
Focus on what you can do, not on changing other people. Resist the temptation to critique or fix them as that can often come across as unaccepting and judgmental in a way that shuts down dialogue.

7. Others Can’t Control You
Statements like, “They made me so mad,” gives away your power. Remember, you choose how to respond to others, no one controls your feelings but you.

8. De-escalate Where Possible
When tensions rise, you can excuse yourself, change the topic, or set a boundary: “I’d like to move on; I don’t want to argue about this.” If attempts to do this don’t yield productive results, remember that disengagement is an option, especially in potentially harmful circumstances.

9. Be Reciprocal
Respect, decency, and integrity should flow both ways. Model the behavior you expect from others and if you call out potentially destructive habits or opinions of others, do so in a way that allows them to reconsider and attenuate their behavior. If they cannot, or will not, you can always walk away (or see number 11 below).

10. Validate Feelings
Acknowledge and legitimize others’ emotions, even if you don’t fully understand or accept them. Validation creates opportunities for connection and may open doors previously closed to you and others.

11. Agree to Disagree
Not all conflicts need immediate resolution. Sometimes it’s okay to simply hear each other out and leave it at that. This doesn’t mean people should be doormats for abusive behavior, but it may provide an escape hatch to a safer conversation for all involved.

12. Stay Calm
If you feel yourself losing control, take a breather. Stepping away can help you regain a more constructive mindset.

It’s About Connection

The holidays are about appreciating the people we love and showing gratitude. Regardless of wealth or circumstance, we all have the power to make the world a better place by honoring the humanity of those around us. This season let’s make a revolutionary choice to lead with love and seek connection as much as we can. Leading by example can also be contagious and raise the bar for how to handle uncomfortable interactions. The relationships we nurture and the democracy we safeguard will be stronger for it.

Nolan Higdon is an author, lecturer at Merrill College and the Education Department at University of California, Santa Cruz, Project Censored National Judge, and founding member of the Critical Media Literacy Conference of the Americas. Higdon’s areas of concentration include critical AI literacy, podcasting, digital culture, news media history & propaganda, and critical media literacy. All of Higdon’s work is available at Substack (https://nolanhigdon.substack.com/). He is the author of The Anatomy of Fake News: A Critical News Literacy Education(2020); Let’s Agree to Disagree: A Critical Thinking Guide to Communication, Conflict Management, and Critical Media Literacy(2022);The Media And Me: A Guide To Critical Media Literacy For Young People(2022); and Surveillance Education: Navigating the conspicuous absence of privacy in schools (Routledge). Higdon is a regular source of expertise for CBS, NBC, The New York Times, and The San Francisco Chronicle.

Mickey Huff is the third director of Project Censored (founded in 1976) and is the president of the nonprofit Media Freedom Foundation. Huff joined Ithaca College in New York fall of 2024, where he now also serves as the Distinguished Director of the Park Center for Independent Media and Professor of Journalism. Since 2009, he has coedited the annual volume of the Censored book series with associate director Andy Lee Roth, published by Seven Stories Press in New York, and since 2021 with The Censored Press, the Project’s new publishing imprint. His most recent books include Project Censored’sState of the Free Press 2025, co-edited with Shealeigh Voitl and Andy Lee Roth (The Censored Press/Seven Stories Press, 2024); The Media and Me: A Guide to Critical Media Literacy for Young People (co-authored with Project Censored and the Media Revolution Collective, The Censored Press/Triangle Square, 2022), as well as Let’s Agree to Disagree: A Critical Thinking Guide to Communication, Conflict Management, and Critical Media Literacy (Routledge, 2022) and United States of Distraction: Media Manipulation in Post-Truth America (and what we can do about it), published by City Lights Books, 2019, both co-authored with Nolan Higdon. Huff is executive producer and co-host of The Project Censored Show, a weekly syndicated public affairs program he founded with former Project Censored director Peter Phillips in 2010. Eleanor Goldfield is his current co-host. The program originates from the historic studios of KPFA, Pacifica Radio, in Berkeley CA, and airs on more than 50 stations around the US and is also a podcast online.

Header photo by Stefan Vladimirov on Unsplash.